Household Principles for Children

I was cleaning up the computer today and ran across this monolog.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do . . .

Household Principles for Children

(From the Old Testament)

A Comedy Monolog

By Clinton Veach

(Borrowed and Enhanced from Pastor Michael Veach, with permission)

NOTE: This monolog increases in hilarity if the speaker is arrayed in a fine priestly type of garment similar to biblical priest robes, and reads from a scroll…and great if the speaker can deliver it deadpan, looking up at the audience occasionally with raised eyebrow as if searching for violators of the laws!  Approximate running time is 12 minutes.

Hear ye now, oh ye children who have ears to hear, and listen attentively to the lamentations and laws whereby thou mightest receive wisdom and instruction.  Harken, I say, and again I say harken ye in all the land.

Now hear ye first the Lamentations of the Father:

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Warning * * Do not Read if Squemish * *

** I warned you! **

I have never talked about poop so freely and with so many people (strangers even) until I had children.  Suddenly, it's a main topic of conversation.  But I never knew that there was a chart on which to base my poop descriptions.  Look what I found today!

The Bristol Stool Chart is described as "a medical aid, designed to classify the form of human feces into seven categories".  I am so glad I did not know about this with my first child (and I know many of my friends and family are agreeing with me) because I would have charted that baby's poop daily.  And insisted that if anyone changed his diaper, they chart it as well.  I was slightly neurotic.

But, since I have found this amazing chart (thank you Dr. Heaton at he University of Bristol) I wanted to share it with you.  Now when we talk about poop, we can use the scale and we will all know exactly what we mean!

I hope everyone has a great and, ahem, productive day!

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